i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
