is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
