Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
