WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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