and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
