remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
