It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
