Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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