I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
