I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
