i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
