I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
