try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
