I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
