I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
