You made me cry and you don't even care
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
