She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
