I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
