OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
