did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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