Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
