she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
