I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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