I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
