yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize