Betty ford says i'm here all night
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
