Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize