Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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