So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
