just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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