Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
