best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
