Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I stole a fireplace last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
