i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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