so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
