okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
