I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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