so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
