Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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