like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
