so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
