I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize