honey bunches of taint.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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