he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
