Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Alive.
So much puke
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
