He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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