Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
