its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
