K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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