Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
