Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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