we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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