Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
