My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
