Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
