I am full of burrito and curiosity
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize