xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
