You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
