: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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