Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
