Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
