My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
