my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she told me i tasted like america
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
