dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
