I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
