I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
