well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
