You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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