How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
