He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
did you just send me my own nude
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
