Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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