I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
