someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Randomize
