just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
